Avoid regret later; do needed estate, final planning now

Challenge is to embrace mortality, anticipate future events, map out strategy

By Gail Goeller,
Special to the Spokane Journal of Business
April 09, 2007

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Author, Sidney J. Harris

Too often, remorse is a dark thread in the fabric of previous actions. In today's world, the ante is up when one hesitates or fails to act on estate, retirement, and final planning. Here's an anthology of local stories to illustrate that point.

*When Margy returned to Spokane to visit her aging parents two summers ago, she got more than she bargained for. Within 24 hours, she discovered a near-empty pantry, voided prescription pill containers, and a stack of unopened bills. Her folks weren't making it financially. Her dad's combined pension and Social Security incomes totaled $1,545 a month, and her mother had never worked, so when they ran out of money, they depleted their savings and began securing payday loans.

Since then, Margy's mother has died, and her father, who has no long-term care insurance, has been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. Margy now is paying family friends to care for him since she is unable to give up her job in another state. But if her father needs more professional care, Margy, an only child, will need to arrange for Medicaid services or pick up his expenses herself, or possibly do both.

*Bart and Laura's adult child, Brent, started getting into trouble with drugs in his teens. After two trips to rehab, it appeared that he had broken his meth habit. Now in his late thirties, he can't hold a job, lost his marriage, and won't return phone calls from his parents. Treatment again? What if it didn't work? Would Bart and Laurie need to support him for the rest of their lives?

*Don and Susan forever had been impeccable planners. Equipped with IRAs, two sizable pensions, and a generous inheritance from Susan's parents, they were looking forward to retirement, traveling, and visiting their adult children and grandchildren in Massachusetts and Florida. Determined they would have the future they had designed, on they forged, despite Don's muscle cramps in his hands and imbalance when standing.

Eileen and Bill have two adult sons. One is healthy, and the other is disabled. In their final planning, they leave money for the disabled child with their healthy son to do what he deems appropriate in providing for his brother's needs. After their deaths, their healthy son takes over the handling of his brother's care, but also uses some of the inherited funds to buy a new car. Neither the parent nor their attorney had heard of a special needs trust, which is designed for such situations.

Karen Sayre, of Spokane's Sayre & Sayre law firm, says there probably are two natural occasions during a typical person's life time when thoughts turn to the need for legal planning. "One such occasion is when parents go on vacation and leave their children behind for the first time. The next time is when they are ready to retire, and they begin evaluating the need to organize their affairs," Sayre says.

"People who haven't planned for retirement usually act because either a member of their family or someone close to them has experienced crisis management. We not only learn from our own experience, we learn from the experience of those close to us," she continues. Citing barriers to planning, Sayre says, "It's only been a short while that people have been willing to concede to the idea they are actually going to die. No one wants to say ÔBetween now and the time I retire, I'm going to become disabled. This could happen to me.'" She adds,

"All of us want a seamless transition from life as we know it to whatever is going to come at us."

But this is the challenge, isn't it? To accept your mortality, anticipate a realistic future, and plan accordingly?

Clients also tell Sayre they don't want to spend time in a nursing home.

"I say to them I'm in at least one nursing home a week, and I've never found a volunteer yet," she says. "Residents just don't say, ÔTake me, I want to go to a nursing home.'"

By taking a humorous approach in conversations with elders and their family members about the future, Sayre says she finds that she can open previously closed doors and do a better job helping them map out a strategy. Whether conferring with an aging parent, a spouse, or your own children, here are additional tips to spark more qualitative approaches to planning. Get chummy with the real details in your parents' lives. Even if they say "We're fine. Everything is taken care of. Don't worry," keep asking questions. Remember that the older generation may need to come to grips with the concept of long term care and final planning before they can shift to your generation's information base, and strong emotions may be part of the package.

If your parents resist a conversation, apply respectful pressure, such as by saying, "It would help us to know how you are going to take full advantage of your desire for independence as you age so we can be supportive of and not clueless about your plans." Consider the perils of failing to plan ahead. Sayre recommends, "There is a difference between what happens when you have your wishes and legal documents in place and when you have none of these in place and other people have to take over for you." For instance, when a guardianship is necessary, implementation time is a minimum of two months.

Track Social Security, Medicare, and health-insurance deadlines. If your mate is the primary beneficiary for your health insurance, you will no longer be protected when he or she drops that coverage. Having a gap in coverage can be disastrous. Gather information from contacts or friends who have been through application procedures recently.

Keep current with the changing policies for Medicaid. In the past, parents could transfer assets to their children and qualify for Medicaid. Now, the state takes exception of folks who purposely hide assets to get on the system, and applicants risk rejection.

Notice that as you point a finger toward aging loved ones, you have three fingers directed back at yourself. How much planning have you done yourself? Is there a possibility you won't be able to work until age 65 or older because you will be laid off? Have you looked at the potential costs of being hit with a disability or disease? Have you misjudged how long you might live past retirement?

Until someone you love dies or you have a crisis yourself, you often don't realize how important it is to have planned ahead. Regret and remorse are a part of life, but can be tempered with responsibility.

Gail Goeller co-founded Spokane's Directory for Seniors and Their Families and is the author of "Coming of Age with Aging Parents."

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